THE COMEBACK LETTER

Um... Hello?
Long time no see, uh? Weirdly, I feel my hands shaking as I'm typing this, as I'm doing this thing I've put off for far too much time. During said time, I tried to not even think about blogging. I tiptoed around this topic like it was a pile of smelling poo on the sidewalk and tried to pretend I was fine with this break, when actually, I wasn't.
I love blogging and I'm proud of my blog. I'm proud of my improvements and, though not such big things, I'm also proud of everything I've achieved.
I guess coolest people would call this blog a memoir, I just see it as a creative outlet, a hobby I've kept doing for over a year now and that I'm not planning on quitting anytime soon.


Why are you writing this dramatic paragraph, bloggers take breaks all the time, I hear you whaling. Yes, it's true, but not me. I've been posting regularly at least once a week for the last fifteen months and so it felt weird to drop everything suddenly.
What happened? Life. Yeah, don't you just hate when they say that. Life happens, but it's your life so you should be in control of it, shouldn't you?
Honestly, it's been a mixture of things.
I've been busy, it's true. School's a nightmare: we're getting close to exams and I just can't seem to be able to keep up. But then again, also boredom, that kind of boredom that ties you to the bed and won't let you do anything but kill your imagination with an endless number of YouTube videos, that kinda of boredom that looks quite a lot like depression, but I'm not gonna use the d-word here, don't worry. Baudelaire would call it spleen, I guess.
See? Now I quote Baudelaire, school's bad for your health.

Do you remember my February post? All that stuff about changing and being happy etc? Yup, forget it. February has been the hardest month ever, I'd say. Everything went wrong and it was so hard to get back on track, you can see that's when I stopped blogging.
March was meh. It mainly starred me trying to keep my life together, with pieces of it falling everywhere from my hands. I did some cool things in March, though, starting from an Art essay. I studied those artists and their works, redescovering my love for art, especially modern art. Also, I had to take care of everything, from writing to graphic and that's when I kinda realized how much I missed this little corner of the internet. The essay turned out well, I'm proud of it. I got quite a few compliments from my classmates, with a bunch of them even saying they thought it was a book or a magazine, which completely made those 25745187 hours I spent working on it worth.

Finally, I went to Berlin in March. It was a school trip, my last school trip for the record, and I had the time of my life. Not gonna lie I was rather nervous. I've always felt like a bit of an outcast in my class, because I don't smoke, or I've never got wasted so bad to be sick all night. I mean, at school everything was fine, but I thought five days (and nights!) with them? It is not gonna end well. Truth is, I had misjudged them. I got this idea in my mind that cool kids were this kinda mean clique that lived to make me uncomfortable. Surprise, surprise, I was making me uncomfortable myself. They're not just fine at school, they're fine everywhere. They're actually pretty nice and funny kids, and as I said, I had a good time. I'm happy I went and now I feel quite stupid about all the worries I had.

And I guess that's it, that's what you've missed. School's not better, in case you're wondering, neither is my spleen, but I know that giving up on this little place won't do me any good.
Here I am, once again, trying to find balance and inspiration. Aaaargh, it's so frustrating! I just want to be creative, but also be a good student, and learn new things, and take care of my body, and live a happy and heathy life and... Gosh, why is it so hard?
Jeez, look at this endless 50% dramatic, 50% pathetic post I've written.
Guess I'm back for good.